I don’t consider myself arachnophobic, I am generally quite well-disposed towards spiders. I like ‘em, I think they’re cool. But at the risk of laying myself open to accusations of irrational prejudice, I really would prefer not to find this NIGHTMARE HELLBEAST in my MOTHERFUCKING BEDROOM.

Aside from the fact that it is so huge I can hear it breathing and its legs extend mercilessly into the infinite like the arms of Death itself, its presence is upsetting because it prompts the question: what the fuck does it eat?

At this point I am actually hoping I find a gigantic cobweb dense as fog and littered with fox bones and osprey feathers, because otherwise that means this thing was just biding its time.